


Broken Crown

by TiaParfus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blindfolds, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, M/M, Masked ball, Origin Story, based on No Regrets OVA, happens right after ep 25, loss of team, lots of flashbacks, mentor/protégé relationship for Levi and Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiaParfus/pseuds/TiaParfus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think Levi views Erwin as a guiding light, sort of. No matter what happens around Levi, it's a comfort having Erwin who will never waver and keep moving forward. Someone who understands the same pain as you, someone who has the same ambitions as you and someone who will keep guiding you to your destination."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. These Masks Keep us Sane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Touch my mouth and hold my tongue  
> I'll never be your chosen one  
> I'll be home safe and tucked away  
> Well, you can't tempt me if I don't see the day.
> 
> "Broken Crown" by Mumford & Sons

Levi entered the huge, extravagant ballroom.  The room was decorated opulently with satin curtains, crystal mirrors and intricate chandeliers. From the walls it hung the banners for each division: green for The Military Police, red for The Garrison and blue for The Survey Corps.

He didn't want to be there. Some fat, snobbish aristocrat (that Levi didn't know) organized a masked ball in honor of 'the heroes that saved The Stohess District from the terrific titan'. All the divisions had been invited (even the cadets) to celebrate this victory. Levi knew this was a big lie, that the stupid noble just wanted to gain influence and popularity by 'being the hero that supports the heroes'. Still, he was required to attend and wear a mask. Erwin had insisted he'd wear a custom made one, but Levi opted for the standard mask given to every cadet. It was a cheap, clay thing that covered the entire face. The colors were blue, green or red (depending on the affiliation) and had the sigil of one of the three divisions engraved on the forehead.

Levi sat quietly with his back against a ceramic column and a glass of wine in his hand,  his mind was elsewhere. Everyone that didn't fight the battle said it was a victory, but the rest knew what it really was: a massacre. 60% of the soldiers had died in the outskirts and 15% later in the city. Countless casualties both military and civil and half a district destroyed, all just so they couldn't study the damn monster. His team had died too... because of his wrong judgment. How many had died because of a wrong decision? how many more will die before he can't bear their deaths anymore? how many defeats do they have to face until they lose all hope?

Levi's trail of thought was interrupted when he heard a name he hadn't known for more than 20 years, 'Kenny Ackerman'. The captain frantically looked around searching for the man that had raised him. Levi spotted what he thought was Kenny near the entrance, the man had just arrived. He wore a leather duster with the Military Police uniform underneath, a bowler hat with a green band around it and a black grim reaper mask. 'How peculiar of Kenny the Reaper' Levi thought. He headed unconsciously  towards him. Kenny saw him approaching and stood still for a moment before spotting the name tag on Levi's uniform.

"Yo, Rivaille, you grew up!"  Levi's eyes widened as he tried to back off, but Kenny stopped him with a crushing hug. To an outsider it looked like a warm embrace, but Levi's breath hitched realizing his mistake.

"I believe congratulations are in order." the man continued without waiting for Levi's answer  "After all this party is in your honor, ain't it? 'The heroes that saved The Stohess District' " Kenny exclaimed with mocking fervor. Levi was passing the glass from one hand to another to calm his nerves.

"An you!" Kenny continued shaking Levi's shoulder as to congratulate him " 'Humanity's strongest soldier', you've come a long way since licking your wounds in some dark, filthy alley." Levi was feeling sick, but he didn't know if it was because of the shaking or the man's sharp words, maybe both.  Kenny's tone turned grave when he spoke again:

"I've read the report. 60% deaths, countless civil casualties and half a district destroyed and they call you **heroes**!" he tsked. "And you! the best humanity has to offer and yet your whole squad is DEAD! don't you **dare** believe for one second that you are innocent just because your goal is 'noble'. I know your division's motto 'change comes with sacrifice'. Doesn't that sound romantic now?! Call it whatever makes you sleep better at night, 'sacrifice', 'a necessary evil', 'bravery', because it's the same damn thing, MURDER and you know it and allow it, don't you, Rivaille?!"

Levi was shaking. The mask was suffocating him and Kenny's hand on his shoulder made him feel like a child again. Doubt and fear had once again crept in mind urging the captain to ask Kenny the question that had been haunting him for 20 years.

"Why did you abandon me back there?" Levi said in a hushed voice.

"Because you were **weak**!"

* * *

_He was 10 when he first fought in the pit. What was a pit? The pit was special, it was living, breathing;  a symbiotic organism with a hive mind, never fixed, always shifting. People would gather round in circles drunk and drugged placing bets, cheering and swearing. Whores and cripples dotted the lines looking for a way to earn their living. Hounds and people would usually fight in the arena and on special occasions boars and wolves._

_Levi was standing in the center of the arena looking positively frightened. He glanced  to his right where his mentor, Kenny, was standing to the side. Fighters were treated like slaves, they had no rights, so they needed a mentor, a respectable or despicable person of higher rank to cash in gains. Levi looked back to his opponent in front of him. He was a_ _scrawny, filthy boy, with greasy hair and ragged clothes no different than other orphans. His face, though, is what surprised Levi. A deep, nasty claw scar ran across his face from his right eyebrow to his cheek. Instead of his right eye, there was an infected, dark cavity with swollen, rotten flesh. And then there was his look, filled with pure hatred, ready to kill or be killed._

_The gong rang. Levi had a moment of hesitation when he thought of fleeing, but his opponent fierce cry bought him back to the present moment. The boy rushed at Levi and easily dodged his fist before digging a knee into his chest knocking the air out of him. He didn't have time to recover as the kid grabbed a fistful of hair and landed another knee into his ribs and a punch to his jaw for safe measure. He lifted Levi up by his hair enjoying the way his opponent writhed and shrieked in pain. Still, his sadistic smirk slowly faded as his adversary continued to struggle; something in the way Levi scratched helplessly to his hand pleading and crying, all dignity forgotten in favor of survival, made him feel embarrassed, made him remember and  made him angry. He grabbed Levi's neck with his free hand and then pulled. Pulled his hair out. Levi cried out as the kid discarded him to the ground like a broken toy. Levi's cries didn't reach him this time, instead the boy watched with sick fascination the flock of hair, skin and blood in his hand._

_"You're weak." he said in a calm, resolute voice as if reaching a conclusion._

_"You're weak!" he snarled meeting eyes with Levi on the ground._

_He threw the flock of hair at Levi before savagely leaping on him and grabbing his neck with both hands. He dug his nails underneath Levi's mandible and used his big thumbs to press the windpipe. He saw Levi futilely pull at his hands, squirming and choking, but his struggles seem only to fuel his rage even more as he gripped tighter and repeatedly hit Levi's head against the ground._

_"You're weak!"_

_Thud. Another hit._

_"Weak, mongrel!"_

_Thud. And another._

_"Weak! WEAK! **WEAK!!** "_

_Over and over again._

_Levi could feel the hard stone and the sand grazing against his fresh wound, but the pain only seem to dull as the hitting continued. His vision started to blur and his grip began to falter. 'This is it." he thought "This is the end, I'm really going to die!" For whatever reason in that moment he reminisced how his mother had died. She beckoned him when she was close to death and told him "Rivaille, it won't be long before I die and you'll be all alone." He was still young when it happened so he_ _naïvely asked "How does dying fell like?" She managed a weak smile "It feels like falling asleep, only that you don't wake up anymore." His mother had died the very same night. Three days had passed before Levi realized that she wouldn't be waking up anymore. That was the moment when his nightmares had started. He would die every night when falling asleep and would resurrect every morning screaming._

_He stupidly thought that this time was the same, that he would trick death if he screamed hard enough, so he did, but his screams were empty and death was still lingering besides him. "Don't die!" he said to himself as if thinking it would make it real. He could faintly hear his opponent's cries and his own at the same time "Weak!", 'Don't die!', "WEAK, WEAK, WEAK!!", "DON'T DIE!!" each repeating his own mantra._

_He let go of the boys hands and frantically searched to his side for something to pick up. He found a blunt rock and smashed it with all his might to the boy's face right on his only good eye. He heard a crunch and felt the blood dripping on his face and chest. Still the grip persisted so he continued smashing, two, three times, he was free now. His opponent's screams were feral and his eyeless, bloody face made him look like a twisted, perverse ghoul. Levi gave a savage growl and knocked him down. He continued smashing his face over and over again until all that remained was a heap of skin, bones and blood all mingled with the dirt. Levi  collapsed near the corpse and looked to his right where Kenny should be. He saw his bowler hat disappearing into the crowd as Kenny walked away.  The last thing he heard before losing conscience were his opponent's words ringing in his head "Weak, mongrel, WEAK!!"._

* * *

Eren was at the party hiding behind a pillar afraid of what would happen if the Military Police were to stumble upon him. That was where Mikasa and Armin had found him after an hour of searching. All the Survey Corps cadets (including Eren) wore the same bland blue mask and add to the fact that Eren was actively trying to keep a low profile made the mission all the more tedious. No matter what they tried (Mikasa had even brought Eren a glass of wine to help him calm his nerves)  Eren wouldn't come out of the hiding, so in the end they decided to stay there with him.  

Armin seemed to think that Eren's concerns were unfounded as nobody would be able to track him at a masked ball. Despite Armin's reasonable assumption, Hange had somehow managed to see right through them,  sneaked behind them and greeted the group.

" Professor Hange! how did you find us?!" they shrieked in surprise.

"You're the only one at the party trying to hide so this makes **you** the only suspicious thing around here." Said Hange wearing a titan mask. 'Of course only the professor would be oblivious enough to wear something like that in front of the Military Police' Eren thought.

"I-I, umm, should go." Eren tried to back off, but Hange grabbed his shoulder.

"Relax, nobody is going to try something with all the Survey Corps gathered in one room, besides you're not the only one not enjoying this party." Hange nodded towards Levi that was similarly leaning against a pillar near the entrance. "The only difference is that our captain is doing a better job at hiding it." Eren smiled apologetically.

"Captain Levi dislikes parties?" Armin interjected. It should have been obvious, but they knew so little about him that any potential detail mattered.

"Captain Levi dislikes most things, especially parties." Hange laughed "Although I believe his bad mood tonight is due to another reason." All three looked curious, but nobody dared to ask for details.

"It's not the first time Levi loses his entire team." Hange's voice turned mournful.

"First time?" Mikasa hadn't intended to speak up, but the professor didn't seem to notice her indiscretion.  Hange stood still for a second considering the question before leaning in as if sharing a secret.

"How much do you know about your captain's past?"

"We know that he used to be a thug before joining the Corps" Armin provided "but that's about it."

"A thug? I guess that's about right, just don't say that in front of him." Hange took a deep breath before continuing. "Levi used to be the leader of a band of thieves in the Underground District.  He and two others, Farlan and Isabel, joined the Survey Corps just before the 23rd Expedition Beyond the Walls as part of a contract to kill Erwin and steal some documents. They-"

"K-Kill Erwin?!" the three of them exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, though I didn't know it at the time, only Erwin had known from the very beginning. " Hange continued unfazed. "Anyway, they all possessed exceptional talents as part of Erwin's plan to reform the division by recruiting unconventional individuals. Still expeditions are cruel mistresses and out of the three only Levi survived. The loss of his team affected him greatly.  He was so listless that no one thought he would survive another expedition. Still one week after the incident Erwin took him to one side and managed to knock some sense into him. That was the one and only time I saw Levi in such a state. To this day I still don't know the specifics of how Erwin managed to do such a thing, I talked to both of them, but neither disclosed anything." Hange paused and looked at each of their faces in turn. They all seemed unsettled by this revelation, but neither said anything.

"After that Levi decided to leave the underground life behind and follow Erwin. Erwin continued to support Levi whenever necessary and Levi continued to dutifully follow him ever since.  I think-" Hange took the time to look at Eren's expression before continuing. The veteran wondered if the boy would understand what they were about to reveal next.

"I think Levi views Erwin as a guiding light, sort of. No matter what happens around Levi, it's a comfort having Erwin who will never waver and keep moving forward. Someone who understands the same pain as you, someone who has the same ambitions as you and someone who will keep guiding you to your destination. I fear that if one day something were to happen to Erwin, Levi won't be able to recover again. He believes in you, Eren, trusts you, maybe not as much as Erwin, but in time, he will. If anything happens to Erwin, you have to take his role, become his beacon, you can't let him fall to despair."

"What?! me? no, no way! the captain doesn't trust me, he thinks I'm an idiot, he probably hates me by now since it's my fault his team died, **again**. Why would he confess to the person responsible for his grief?!" Eren's shoulders were shaking and his voice began to crack. He tried to back off before he would start crying, but Hange grabbed his shoulder for the second time that evening.

"How do you know that? did he tell you that he hates you?"

"Of course the captain hates me, why wouldn't he?!" Eren forcefully pulled his shoulder, but Hange didn't let him go, not yet.

"Have you actually asked him or did you jump to this conclusion and then blamed yourself for it?"

Eren was about to ask Hange to let go of him when he heard glass shattering. They all turned around and saw Levi pull away from a man with a grim reaper mask and a bowler hat. There was spilled wine and broken glass scattered at Levi's feet and the captain seemed distressed. He looked around realizing others were watching before turning to the man with the grim reaper mask and stiffly bowing to him. The man dismissed him with a mocking wave of his hand and Levi left the ballroom. People started chatting after the captain left no doubt gossiping.

"Go after him." Hange urged Eren.

"What? no! haven't you seen what happened?"

"Precisely because I did, I ask this of you, Eren, he needs someone to talk to right now."

"Why would he talk to me and what would I say? why shouldn't commander Erwin go to him?"

"Because Erwin is a commander attending a official meeting, people are watching him too, he can't do as he pleases." Hange nodded towards Erwin who was speaking to the Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly. "Levi knows this too, that's why he didn't cause a commotion and instead chose to apologize, both their action affect public's opinion concerning The Survey Corps. But you're a cadet, nobody would notice you sneaking out. "

"Still why me? you've known the captain since he first arrived, why don't you go talk to him? you would probably know better what to say than I do."

"Maybe, but I know for a fact that Levi wouldn't open up to me. Besides I'm the interim commander,  like Erwin I can't leave without raising suspicion. Which leaves you the only one fit for this mission."

"Come on, Eren! what could you possibly lose by doing this?"  Armin tried to reason with him.

Eren looked to the three of them. They all seemed to agree that he should go, even Mikasa, though Eren didn't know if she actually agreed with the idea or just obeyed her superior. He sighed in defeat.

"Fine, but I make no promises." He turned around and left before waiting for their answers.

Eren entered the balcony warily; the area was off-limits to guests and the Military Police wasn't known to be kind to trespassers, especially the ones that can shift into a titan. Tonight was a full moon and the light revealed every corner of the balcony. He spotted captain Levi across the balcony sitting on the stone railing with his back against the wall. He had one foot propped up to support his hand which was holding a cigar. Eren didn't remember to ever see the captain so casual or smoking; right now he looked more like a man and less like the soldier he knew . Eren was debating whether to go to him or not when he heard Levi:

"You're not supposed to be here." Eren froze searching for an explanation. Before he could answer though, he heard a voice coming from the door and hid behind one of the many trees in pots on the balcony.

"Neither are you." It was Erwin who answered. Eren frowned looking at his captain who hadn't as much as turned his head. He was almost sure the remark was addressed to him, but the commander didn't see him either, did they really not notice or were they ignoring him? 'He still came' the thought crossed Eren's mind as he watched the commander approach Levi.

"It would seem we are both undisciplined." Edwin provided, seating himself near Levi on the edge of the railing. He noted the crimson ribbon wrapped around his forearm.

"Hmm, the Ackerman clan mark." the commander pointed to the ribbon "I haven't see you wear this since Farlan's and Isabel's death." Levi flinched looking at Erwin for the first time since he arrived. "Smoking too" he continued, extending his arm for Levi to pass the cigar. Levi did so mechanically, his mind obviously elsewhere. Erwin inhaled on the tobacco roll, it tasted bitter.

"It is supposed to hide the clan's secrets, is it not?"

" I wonder" Erwin continued, taking the ribbon between his thumb and forefinger and nudging it tentatively " what secrets do **you** hide, Rivai?" the soft material came off easily. He played with the delicate silk while watching Levi. He didn't resist when the commander unwrapped the band, but  clearly tensed hearing the question.

"You still can't get my name right." he sounded irritated.

* * *

_"My name is Erwin Smith. And yours is?" Erwin said kneeling in the filthy puddle._

_"Rivaille." he answered after a long pause._

_"Rivai" the blonde tried unsuccessfully._

_"Rii-vaii, how hard can it be to pronounce a name properly?!" Levi scowled. Mike had to yank the handcuffs to stop him. His prisoner sneered irritated by his current predicament. Erwin tried the name again without much more success._

_"How about I call you Levi, is that alright?" the man smiled, but Levi could see how fake it was. It made him feel even more sick and furious. He stared at the soldier determined not to answer his pretentious question. Mike yanked his hair urging him to speak._

_"Whatever!" Levi spited through his teeth._

_"Good." Erwin continued unfazed._

_'They are so going to pay for this! the elitist son of a bitch and his dog. When the time comes, he will enjoy torturing them, slowly, painfully.'_

* * *

"You're avoiding the question." Erwin pressed.

"I do not like this mask." Levi said quietly. The commander narrowed his eyes since Levi had dodged the question once again. He considered pointing it out, but touched his mask instead.  It was a black ebony mask covering the eyes and forehead. The Wings of Freedom were engraved at the center in red gold. The bloody sigil reminded Levi of the sacrifice one must make as a member of the Survey Corps.

"Should I take it off?" Erwin offered.

"Yes. No." Levi frowned, confused by his own indecision, he took a deep breath. "These masks keep us sane" a moment passed "and honest." he continued in a low voice. His eyes were glistering.

"Do they?" Erwin chuckled. "Then we can't have you without a mask."  He brought the crimson ribbon to Levi's eyes, but paused seeing the man hesitating, avoiding eye-contact. Despite that,  Levi didn't back off so Edwin continued and tied the soft material to the back of his head, blindfolding him. He moved back to watch Levi head to toe. The man was still resting his back to the wall, his head slightly tipped forward as if he wanted to cover his eyes with the strands of hair, but his eyes were already covered with the band. One could say that the captain was feeling mournful, which he did and Erwin knew, but he wasn't going to comfort him.

 He took the cigar, inhaled from it one last time and threw it over the balcony knowing Levi wouldn't see this. There was a long pause while Levi was as still as a statue and Erwin thought maybe he'd fallen asleep. Then he heard it, so low, the blonde could have missed it, if he wasn't paying attention.

"Thank you." Levi said in a still, small voice. Erwin smiled, genuinely, too bad Levi couldn't see it.

"Now that we both have a mask, will you tell me your secrets?"

"You already know too many." Levi noted detached. The mask made him indifferent, giving him the illusion that he could face anything without any repercussions.

Erwin was vexed for having given Levi the weapon to face him. The only thing that usually showed his true emotions were his eyes, which Erwin had now covered. But he didn't mind, after all he liked a challenge and Levi was the biggest challenge he's faced and been facing even since.

"I want to know them all." he whispered softly to the man's ear.  Levi's head jerked up, startled. He took a moment to take in Erwin presence, so close that he could smell cologne and tobacco smoke that clung to the blonde. It brought back memories. He turned his head enough to know that he was facing Erwin, noses almost touching.

"You are too arrogant for your own good, Erwin, it will get you killed some day." Levi answered casually, matter-of-factly.  Erwin backed off laughing darkly. Well that was an interesting twist.

"At least I die a free death, of my own choosing, how many people can say that?"

"Most people don't want to die."

"But, you're not like most people, are you,  **Levi**?" Erwin spelled his name with a hint of ridicule. Levi stopped in his tracks, considering a retort. What he said though, surprised the blonde.

"I can't die while you're still alive." Levi said with determination. Erwin smiled satisfied, he searched for a hint of regret in the man's voice or his body language, but he found none. None to his vow for Erwin, that is, he knew Levi had many regrets, to his friends, his squad, all of them dead. He leaned in,  grabbing Levi's nape, scratching the skin with nails.

"I can make you forget, Rivaille." he whispered a low growl in his ear. His voice was sinful, it made Levi shudder. "I can make you forget" he continued unbuttoning Levi's shirt half way. "About Oluo Bozado and Gunther Schultz and Eld Jinn" he whispered their names to Levi's collarbone using his nails to leave a mark on his nape for each member of his team. "and Petra Ral." he finished, pressing his nail to skin so hard that Levi was sure he drew blood. The marks, their names, the promise, it was all overwhelming.  It made him feel euphoric, made him recall the first time it had happened and he wondered again if this was real or an illusion woven by Erwin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there. Long time reader, first time writer. Thought it's time I also pay my tribute to the Mistress of Fanfiction. I wrote this fanfiction as an analysis of Levi's and Erwin's relationship and my (albeit poor) attempt at a character deconstruction story focused on Levi. This story wouldn't have been possible without my beta's constant nagging to whom I dedicate this (even though she is an ereri shipper).  
> Slow start, I know, not much eruri this chapter, but I plan to rectify this next chapter which will be a flashback about the origin of their relationship when Levi first joined the Survey Corps.  
> And with that I leave you, thanks for reading and see you next time.


	2. A Deal You Will Never Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written with the featured song ("Broken Crown") in mind and thus I recommend listening to it while reading to add to the experience.  
> Also as I briefly mentioned before, this chapter is entirely a flashback and while I would usually use italic font for it, I guess in this situation that would be redundant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The pull on my flesh was just too strong  
> Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs  
> Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie  
> 'Cause when I open my body I breathe a lie."
> 
> "Broken Crown" by Mumford & Sons

He was crying, shock and pain and guilt engulfing him like a hungry titan. There were blood and bits of titans and humans everywhere. Steam was rising from them chocking him, but he didn't care. Farlan and Isabel lay dead besides him, their bodies twisted in a way that made him sick. Isabel's head lay a meter farther, decapitated, terror on her stiff face. He looked away, he had to, he couldn't stand watching her like this.

A hand covered his eyes, blinding him. He panicked, tried to escape, but the hand held him in place.  Still, he struggled and struggled until he could move no more. The man behind him waited for Levi to stop, then spoke darkly.

"I can make you forget, Rivaille" he whispered "about Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia" he continued still holding the hand to his eyes. Erwin could feel hot tears in his palm, but didn't let go. Levi came alive with a savage growl, surprising Erwin and jerking him off him. He jumped at the soldier, knife in hand.

"I'll kill you, you sick bastard!" he put the knife to the blonde's throat. Erwin saw the fierce pain in Levi's eyes and smirked. 'That's it you son of a bitch, you die tonight!' Levi thought, squeezing the hilt of the knife until his hand burned. Before he could push the blade through the soft flesh, Mike intervened, ungluing him from Erwin and throwing Levi to the ground. He hissed when he hit the ground, but made no move to raise up.

He was exhausted, drained of energy and emotions. He looked at the knife still in his hand and through the desert of his heart, a spark of rebellion shined. Erwin was watching him intently, but made no move to intervene.  Levi raised the shaking  knife to slash his throat from one end to the other.  Instead he threw the weapon as far away from him as possible. He was panting and feeling nauseous, but above all,  he felt disgusted.  'A second ago, did he really...consider committing suicide?'

"Don't dwell on it, you'll start to regret and it will cloud your judgment. Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision."

"How can I stay true to my decision no matter what, how can I tell apart nightmares from reality?  don't you ever falter, have you no emotions?!" Levi's tone was desperate.

"My emotions are not relevant, all that matters is my goal." he paused considering Levi who was kneeling on the ground "You can use me as a beacon, I will never waver and I will keep moving forward. I'm real, my decisions are too, everything else is unimportant."

'How arrogant of him' Levi thought 'asking him to dedicate his life to his cause, to obey his orders, to die for him, that heartless bastard!'. Despite that Levi didn't say anything. Erwin watched him with a stern face, expecting an answer. When he realized he won't get one right now, he turned to Mike.

"Announce the retreat, we're going back to base."

* * *

He didn't know how much time had passed since the incident. The days started to blur, coming and going. Nothing happened, everything was the same, unimportant. Levi was haunting the castle's hallways mindlessly. He was holding a lighted cigar, though he wasn't aware of it, nor was he aware that the smoke might cling to the curtains. Everything seemed surreal, he was walking alone, but he heard screaming, saw blood and inhaled steam rising from stiff corpses. He was so listless that he didn't even notice the man sneaking behind him until that person grabbed his shirt. Erwin (Levi figured) was dragging him to a room.

"Let me go, you piece of shit!" Levi sneered trying and failing to escape the grip.

Erwin opened a door and Levi had time to note that it was a bedroom before the blonde shoved him to the bed. He tripped on the edge of the bed and felt on the mattress. His head hit the headboard hard and Levi hissed in pain. The room was spinning when he opened his eyes giving the illusion of a dream. He tried to get up, but Erwin was over him stopping the man with a hand on his chest.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Levi twitched with anger. He wanted to punch something and right now that snobbish bastard was standing too close.

"I can make you forget, Rivaille." Erwin reminded him of their deal.

"Cut the bullshit!" the room was still spinning, but he didn't know if it was because of the pain or the anger. He tried to get up, but the stupid oaf wasn't budging. He sighed in exasperation and looked at the blonde. The man was watching him calmly and Levi realized that he wanted an answer. Probably the bastard expected him to accept as he seemed to have an obsession with Levi. Well, he didn't blame the guy, he was drop dead gorgeous after all, but to entertain the idea, far from it. What was he to gain from all this? ah, right, the 'I can make you forget' bullshit, right. But, maybe, he could turn this to his favor. Get to fuck the arrogant bastard and then use this to ruin his military career that he's so fond of. Sure Levi will fall too, but what more could he lose?

His attention shifted back to the blonde. Erwin was still watching him with the same intense gaze. Levi concluded that he hated those commanding eyes.

"Fine." he said simply, there was no need to be dramatic.

"Good." Erwin closed the distance between them and kissed him. For a moment, Levi was stiff, resistant against his lips, but then he steadied himself and kissed Erwin just as fiercely. The kiss was desperate and prolonged. 'Too long.' Levi thought breaking the kiss to gasp for air. Erwin drew back to watch him. Levi was flushed, his eyes dark with lust, but Erwin's eyes were as calm as ever save for a trace of desire. They were beautiful, but too dangerous. Levi felt like crushing something beautiful, so he reached out with his hand to gauge them out from their sockets.  Erwin grabbed his wrist mid-motion.

"No hands, Rivaille."

Levi bit his lip realizing just how dangerous their game was, yet he complied, windrowing his hand. Despite the stakes, Levi found himself distracted, watching the door, wondering if he still had a chance to escape. He could leave this moment and end this madness. Still there was a little voice inside his head that wondered 'What if....what if he can really make you forget?' His trail of thought was interrupted by Erwin who grabbed his chin and drew his attention to himself.

"You know, the promise I made, I intend to keep it." Erwin whispered softly.

'If only...' Levi trailed with sadness, but for the first time since he had met the man, he saw sincerity in those eyes, so he stayed.

* * *

He was running through mist. From what? no, there were no monsters following him. Was he running to something, someone? he couldn't remember, why couldn't he remember?

Voices. He was remembering two voices.

"Let's do this together!"

"Levi, believe in us!"

Were those the people that he was trying to reach? who were they? ugh, he couldn't remember, why couldn't he remember?!

The fog was clearing now. He saw dead bodies, hot and heavy, big as trees, maybe bigger. They couldn't be humans, could they? no...he was remembering... t-titans. They were titans, eating people, caging them. Cage. walls. underground.

"The sky is the same."

"No, is different, this sky is endless."

"Yeah, we're not underground."

Blond hair, red hair. He was remembering slowly, too slowly.

"Levi!"

 "Aniki!"

...big brother? were the blonde man and the little girl his family? did he even have a family? and if he did, why couldn't he remember their names?

He was walking among corpses, titans and humans all mingled in a bloody mess. He stopped dead on his tracks, realization on his face.

"Isabel, Farlan." he whispered horrified.

 Levi dug his hands in his hair in desperation. Why?!  why did he have to remember this?!

His vision suddenly blackened, a chill ran down his body as a voice spoke commanding.

"Forget. Don't dwell on it. You'll start to regret." bits of something he thought forgotten were playing in his head.

"Emotions are not relevant. Use me as a beacon. I'm real."

Real? was this all a dream? the dead corpses on the grass were not his family?

"Don't you trust us, aniki?" Trust? but weren't they a dream?

"The promise. I intend to keep it. I can make you forget."

"Use me. I'm real!"

He remembered! All of it, their deaths, the pain, Erwin, his promise...

A dream... this was all an illusion. Wake up! he had to wake up!

* * *

Levi woke up with a gasp. His eyes were hurting, his mind was foggy. For a moment he didn't know where he was and feared that he had forgotten again. Levi looked to his left and saw a blonde man sleeping next to him, Erwin.

'I can make you forget.' what a bloody lie! That manipulative son of a bitch and him, the biggest fool that ever existed! He wanted to punch that bastard. And then what? see his filthy grin and those arrogant eyes because he knew that he had won. No! Levi won't give him the satisfaction of seeing him defeated.

He tried to raise up. The sheets were clinging to his back, he felt sweaty and dirty, disgusting! His skin was burning where he knew Erwin had left scratches. Levi saw his clothes discarded on the floor and wrinkled his nose when he picked them up, they smelled of smoke.  He put on just his pants and belt with the knife, the rest of the clothes folded under his arm. He needed a shower and he needed one right now. 'And then what?' the voice in his head whispered. 'Get the fuck as far away from here as physically possible.'

He looked back to the bastard still sleeping soundly. 'The promise I made, I intend to keep it.'

"It was all an illusion, a fucking lie!" he gritted his teeth together.

"No, it was real." he heard Erwin's voice coming from the bed.

"You shut the fuck up, I'm sick of you and your lies!"

"When have I ever lied to you?" the blonde looked surprised.

"I can still remember, all right? Isabel and Farlan and their deaths, it's all still here!" Levi's hand was shaking with anger as he pointed it to his head. Erwin laughed loudly, copiously.

"Of course you wouldn't forget them, they were real, it all happened. If you believe that, you're a bigger fool than I thought, Levi."

Erwin was mocking him. Deplorable man, there was nothing he wouldn't mock.

"Do enlighten me then, what was the thing that you 'made me forget'?"

"What wasn't real, something that still clouds your judgment;  your regret."

His...regret? He thought of all the things he regretted in his life. He regretted letting his mother die, letting Kenny live, letting Isabel and Farlan die and falling for Erwin's trap. Most of these regrets he had learned to live with, except the death of Isabel and Farlan and his recklessness with Erwin.

"I still feel regret for their deaths, you smartass!" who did he think he was, claiming he knew everything about him.

" Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision. Do you regret their death more than you falling for my 'trap'?"

Well that only worked, because this decision was more recent. He could say the same thing about regretting his friends' death more than letting his mother die, simply because the former was still fresh in his mind. And he didn't even need Erwin to 'make him forget'  for this to happen.

"That was your big plan all along? making me forget my regret by causing an even greater regret. That's just **brilliant** , what more can I say, good job!" it was Levi's time to laugh, too bad it was bitter.

"No, my plan was to offer you a deal that you will never regret for as long as you live." his tone was not mocking nor commanding this time. Whatever the outcome, Levi realized, Erwin truly believed what he just said.

"And by deal you mean following you."

Erwin nodded.

"Fine, let's say I'd be willing to join your suicidal peanut gallery. I don't even know your ambition. You told me you will never waver, that you will keep moving forward pursuing your goal, but what **is** your goal?" was he really considering this? why hadn't he already gone off that door?

"My goal is to free mankind from the titans' domination so that one day, we will not be forced to hide behind walls anymore. You should know that I'm willing to sacrifice everything and anything if I deem said goal worthy."

'How can a man be so noble and yet so ruthless at the same time?' Levi wondered. He searched Erwin's eyes and saw their determination. 'I will never waver' the man had told him. Well, he... believed him. Levi believed that Erwin will not stop until his goal is achieved.

Should he accept this? 'a deal that you will never regret for as long as you live'. What would Farlan or Isabel think about this? Isabel would probably laugh saying that Levi will never be like one of those stuck up 'disciplined' soldiers and Farlan would probably say that he's growing soft. Maybe he was, after all,  he was considering to dedicate his life for the benefit of all mankind, the good and the bad, the strong and the weak, the worthy and unworthy.

Levi unsheathed his knife, twirled it once, twice watching its rotation. He grabbed the hilt and pointed the blade to Erwin's throat. The blonde remained still, watching Levi intensely.

"Very well, I shall follow you, Erwin Smith and the cause you believe in." Levi said his name for the first time since their acquaintance. It wasn't anything grand, in fact it sounded quite ordinary, but he supposed it didn't matter. "My blade is yours to use for as long as you live." Levi turned the knife so the hilt was facing Erwin now.

A moment passed as both of them were watching the blade in silence. 'A decision that he will never regret for the rest of his life' Levi thought. He looked at the blonde 'Will you be able to do that, Erwin?'

"Thank you." Erwin took the blade solemnly. " I shall never waver in my ambition, nor cling to illusions, but keep moving forward until I succeed."

"You will never regret this decision, Rivaille." Erwin extended his arm for Levi. He shook it without any hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing the chapter summary I wondered if I should explain my overuse of the "Broken Crown" song in this fanfiction (besides the fact that I enjoy it immensely). The song acts as the main motif for the story and Levi's main theme. As for it's significance, well that's up to each and every one of you, I guess.  
> Hopefully I made up for the lack of eruri from the last chapter. Also this concludes the strings of flashbacks, next chapter we'll be back on track.  
> That's it for me, once again thanks for reading and see you next time.


	3. Captain, Do You Hate Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down  
> I'll never wear your broken crown  
> I can take the road and I can fuck it all the way  
> But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate."
> 
> "Broken Crown" by Mumford & Sons

He opened his eyes, but only saw darkness.  Was he dreaming, will he see their faces again? He started panicking jerking his head left and right.

"I'm here, Levi." 

"Erwin!" Levi was startled by his voice, but stopped trashing.

Where was he? What were they doing?

'We're both undisciplined. Should I take it off? These masks keep us honest and sane. I want to know all your secrets. You already know too many. I can't die while you're still alive.'

'I can make you forget, Rivaille.'

He was remembering now, the ball, Kenny, Erwin, the blindfold, the masks.

"How long have I been out?"

"Not much, ten minutes at most." Erwin had stopped when he saw Levi zoning out. His shirt had remained half unbuttoned since then. He moved to button up the shirt, working diligently, in silence. Levi seemed lost in thoughts too.

"You know, I was wrong."

"About?" Erwin asked in a monotone voice adjusting Levi's cravat.

"These masks, they don't keep us sane." Levi touched the ribbon tied to his eyes. "It's all just an illusion."

"Since when do you care if it's real?" the blonde continued in the same monotone voice, but contrary to his tone, Erwin's body tensed. He was watching Levi curiously, waiting for his reaction.

"Since when **don't** you?!" Levi swiftly grabbed what he assumed was Erwin's collar.

"I shall never cling to illusion." Levi recited slowly, stiffly. Had Erwin forgotten his lifelong promise?

"You will never regret this decision, Rivaille. Not then, not now, not any other time." Erwin's tone suddenly became serious.

"So you promised." Levi let go of his collar with a little shove and resumed his position against the wall. The tension from one second ago was gone.

"It's getting late, I'm going back inside. Don't fall asleep again, this time it was me, but next time you might not be so lucky. Maybe one of the Military Police underdogs will find you, I've heard quite a few are rooting for you." Erwin rose intending to leave.

"Very funny! too bad your humor hasn't improved since we've first met." He heard the man laugh as he was walking away.

Erwin passed near the tree where Eren was hiding. He glanced at the plant, but otherwise, continued his way. When the commander was gone, Eren got out of his hiding and sighed in relief. He glanced at his captain still sitting on the railway. Should he...?

'Levi views Erwin as a guiding light, sort of. No matter what happens around Levi, it's a comfort having Erwin who will never waver and keep moving forward. Someone who understands the same pain as you, someone who has the same ambitions as you and someone who will keep guiding you to your destination.'

No, what could he possibly do, that Erwin hasn't already?

'I fear that if one day something were to happen to Erwin, Levi won't be able to come back. He believes in you, trusts you, maybe not as much as Erwin, but in time, he will. If anything happens to Erwin, you have to take his role, become his beacon, you can't let him fall to despair.'

Could he possibly do this? become someone that Levi searches for counsel? right now it seems the other way around, Eren does something stupid and Levi has to fix the mess.

'Not now, but in time.'

'What could you possibly lose by doing this, Eren?'

'Damn you, Armin!' Eren thought approaching the captain.

He was near Levi now, where Erwin had stood before, but the captain hadn't moved one bit since the commander left. Did he really fall asleep, again? No, this wasn't like him, he was awake, Eren was sure. He fidgeted with his hands, considering the question that had been troubling him since he arrived.

"Why didn't you give me away, sir?" did Levi trust him that much to let him see this?

"Maybe I wanted an outer opinion to tell me if this is a dream or reality." he took off his blindfold and looked at Eren. "You have been watching all this from the sidelines, tell me, Eren, is this a dream?"

'Become his beacon.' someone that Levi searches for counsel.

Someone's beacon means being certain, when the other is in doubt, being firm when the other is wavering, being strong when the other can't.

Can he do all of this? Can he really tell Levi with certainty that this is not a dream? to him it looked real, but so did his belief that he hadn't hit Mikasa as a titan. He would have been certain of this, if it hadn't been for Mikasa's words. To Eren it looked real, but could he really tell what was going on inside Levi's mind? Could he really counsel Levi, if he didn't know what he thought?

'Not now, but in time.' Maybe, but to him, right now, it felt more important to be sincere.

"I don't know, sir." Levi was watching him with an unreadable gaze.

"It's fine, Eren." his expression didn't change one bit. "I'm going back inside, you should do the same, the Military Police doesn't take trespassers lightly." he placed his ribbon in Eren hands and headed to the door. Eren felt the damp material, has Levi been crying? is this why Erwin had tied it to his eyes, to hide his tears?

"Captain" Levi stopped "do you hate me?" the captain's eyes widened.

'Eren, do you hate me?'

'No, I understand why it was necessary.'

Eren was watching him. The last part had caught in his throat "for my choice, for not saving your squad?"

"No, Eren, I don't hate you." Levi ruffled Eren's hair. "The outcome of a decision is always unknown, you did good with what you knew." Eren was smiling shyly, feeling relieved.

Levi gave his head a playful nudge before heading inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it, this is the end of my story. Hopefully you had just as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I'd like to thank my beta for sticking with me all this time (sorry in the end it didn't turned out the way you wanted). And thank you, dear reader, for clicking this and for those who liked it for leaving kudos.  
> Someday I might write a sequel where Erwin asks something of Levi that they both regret, thus breaking his promise and will most likely be based on the song "Blood On My Name" by The Wright Brothers. Tell me what do you think? do you want a sequel like this? what did you like about the story and want me to keep writing about it and what didn't you like and want me to get ride of? I already have a general idea about how I should write it, but your feedback would help me get an idea about things to improve on.  
> And with that I leave you, best of luck to you and stay classy!


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